After I divorced, I didn’t even want to think about the possibility of a relationship for a while. Divorces can be a lot to handle and often they are worse than the reasons you decided to get one in the first place. For me, I needed to heal from the emotional journey of an unhappy relationship filled with a bunch of problematic years full gaslighting, passive aggression, and narcissistic behaviors that made me finally call it quits.
Then, once I re-entered the dating scene, I found things had changed significantly. There were so many ways to date that weren’t really the cool thing when I got married. A friend finally convinced me to at least do some research to consider a dating site. So there went my journey trying to find the best one to try out. Dating site after dating site they promised to help you find the person of your dreams and some even with a money-back guarantee if you didn’t start dating someone within a specified period of time. Some people got hip to that real quick so the money-back guarantee things seemed to fade away as quickly as it showed up.
Fast forward to today and in addition to the paid sites where supposedly “serious daters” go, there are many free sites or free versions of other sites that at least let you look. And then there are the hookup sites that unless you know that’s what they are you don’t find out until you realize all the people who match you want to do just that…hook up!
Eventually, I got the rhythm of balancing dating sites with real-life interactions and met some pretty cool people (along with some not-so-cool ones). What I found was that I really liked being single just as much as I liked being coupled up. Snuggling next to someone you really like and having them check on you just because is super cool yet so is not having to give up your side of the bed or bathroom. The thing is you have to really decide that being with someone again after 40 or after divorce is more about finding a rhythm with the person you are with and not the fairytale relationship life promised us. And honestly, even couples who have been together for a long time learned that the fairytale is a myth but they usually have one helluva story to share that makes you appreciate the commitment, tenacity, and genuine love.
If you want to date after 40 go for it. If you are holding back because you are afraid of getting hurt check to see if there is some residual hurt from your past that you haven’t let go of. There is no guarantee you won’t get hurt again but when you go in with the expectation of just enjoying the process one day at a time. Take your time and do your homework. Make sure you vet the person you are dating because unfortunately there are a lot of scammers out there but NOT EVERYONE is a scammer. The biggest thing I can mention is don’t get caught up with people simply because they like you or paid attention to you. Be sure they are a person YOU feel matches you and not simply the other way around. Enjoy!